Yup....you guessed it...another marina delay!
I'm trying to make this a positive game...like leap frog...ok now it's my turn...your turn...my turn...and we'll...it a bit like groundhog day.
Yet, strangely enough, I got myself to believe today was the day it finally ends...but not what the universe had in mind I guess. Oh this silly "game" of life can really throw you sometimes.
Let me be totally honest with you now.
I did have a moment of crying this morning....but moved on when I released my disappointment.
It's been a long journey...if you are still reading this...you've gotten to know some stuff about me. Well, here's the true main reason I began this floating home adventure in the first place....I didn't come entirely clean at the beginning...maybe I was just waiting to get to know myself a bit better...
I separated three years ago from my husband.
I have two kids.
I needed to figure out a solution that would allow my kids and x to still be reasonably unaffected by my desires to leave and still allow me a place in their lives while also allowing myself the new life I really wanted to live (alternative to main stream society).
The marina, a block away from our condo had been storing our sailboat for over a decade...and it just started storing a tiny floating home. And I was obsessed ever since.
It seemed like the perfect solution to me living close by affordably in a lifestyle that suited me...downsizing, simplifying, connected to nature.
Without this tiny home...I sleep on the living room floor of our condo. No place for privatr space. I don't mind so much...in fact, over the years while I've been going through all of this, I've realized there are many great things about sleeping on my simple futon in the livingroom. I've cycled through wanting to stay there and being happy with it...to needing a way out asap! Lately I've been pretty content. Not really caring about where I lay my head at night...just happy there is love around me and peace...even in the midst of filing our divorce paperwork (which also got delayed until Aug! Maybe I am supposed to learn about delayed gratification right now?
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So, having this launch delayed over and over again...it's also a delay on me starting my new life in my own place. It makes me second guess myself often...my obsession with this project...if maybe the delays are for a "reason".....
Regardless of the reason...there is nothing to do but ....keep showing up.
I mean this is MY dream...and if I don't show up for the...all of it...I'm all it's delays and messiness....then it will fade away and never be a reality.
A guy on the yard today watched me working in the heat, patiently cranking away to raise the structure inch by inch...he said "daunting task isn't it?" Yeah I told him but..."where there's a will there IS a way, right?!" He walked away in agreement.
It may not happen when I want it to happen....but I still believe it can happen...it will happen. So I show up and keep doing the work, making small victories along the way...and I see progress is still being made.
I guess that alone makes me happy.
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